**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
