A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
