Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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