dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
