Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
