the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
