I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
