So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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