His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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