I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
