Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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