just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
