a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
