Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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