How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
