youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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