You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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