Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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