I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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