Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
