What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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