just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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