oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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