May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
