i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
