yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"