Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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