Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low