Texts From Last Night

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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.

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  (231): I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/w091
  Replies (6) Good night (585) Bad night (3984)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

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  (516): Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes http://tfl.nu/edsk
  Replies (31) Good night (9323) Bad night (894)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me

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  (651): I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me http://tfl.nu/s22y
  Replies (13) Good night (4515) Bad night (1492)
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  (516): View more from New York

  OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM

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  (516): OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM http://tfl.nu/ckuz
  Replies (34) Good night (8009) Bad night (1852)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

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  (734): Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual. http://tfl.nu/o9rr
  Replies (18) Good night (4067) Bad night (999)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.

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  (303): Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential. http://tfl.nu/x59i
  Replies (6) Good night (1927) Bad night (1032)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.

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  (701): I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with. http://tfl.nu/j9h4
  Replies (4) Good night (1752) Bad night (849)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

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  (606): at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk. http://tfl.nu/jf5g
  Replies (11) Good night (622) Bad night (3742)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.

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  (781): They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me. http://tfl.nu/xmpj
  Replies (3) Good night (565) Bad night (1168)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily

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  (770): I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily http://tfl.nu/jbfr
  Replies (7) Good night (2150) Bad night (597)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  We're using joints as your birthday candles

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  (734): We're using joints as your birthday candles http://tfl.nu/y3yt
  Replies (7) Good night (1947) Bad night (551)
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  (530): View more from California

  I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.

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  (530): I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century. http://tfl.nu/blji
  Replies (4) Good night (642) Bad night (306)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  "I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."

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  (219): "I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance." http://tfl.nu/fhmo
  Replies (6) Good night (813) Bad night (401)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them

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  (513): well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them http://tfl.nu/2ptj
  Replies (1) Good night (346) Bad night (669)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead

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  (973): I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead http://tfl.nu/zr0a
  Replies (0) Good night (399) Bad night (214)

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