I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life