They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.