3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
