I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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