Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
