Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
