"it" just moved
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
