Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
