So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
