the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
