butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
