I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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