D3 body, D1 cock
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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