So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
