Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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