I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
