I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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