ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
