Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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