One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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