There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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