we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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