My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
