I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
