What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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