Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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