I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
