A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
