Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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