someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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