I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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