I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
