I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
