new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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