everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
either way he was missing a nipple.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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