I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A bitchslap is in order.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
