Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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