i don't like sucking hair
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
