He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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