Those balls look pretty dangerous.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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