after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
