it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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