watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
