I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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