Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
