A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
