have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
