exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
