he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
