i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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