two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
