Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
