I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
