are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
