...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
