Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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