Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
