so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
